Before I became Catholic, but when I was still an evangelical, I felt a slight aversion to men who were virgins. Many of the ladies in my circle were in agreement that virginity for women was attractive, but we wanted husbands who could “show us the way”. Male virginity was nothing to strive for.
Maybe we read too many Harlequin romances, which were popular at that time. In those romances, the women were virginal and inexperienced while the men were dashing and very experienced. Even though we believed fornication was wrong, we were encouraged to “turn a blind eye” to men’s previous dalliances.
Recently, I posted a question to my Facebook community about why Catholic men were so afraid to approach women.
One of the men commented that “Being a virgin means you are less confident with women. In today’s world, being a virgin into your twenties is WEIRD. 99% of men you see have had multiple serious girlfriends.”
He’s right. Although we are “in the world, but not of the world”, it’s funny how lines have a way of being blurred.
The Catholic Church makes no distinction between male virginity and female virginity. In fact, devout Catholic women seem to want their future spouse to be virgins. The idea of saving oneself for one’s spouse is attractive.
However, men still have to deal with ribbing from non-Catholic men and women,and less devout Catholics.
So how does one maintain one’s manly confidence in such a situation?
It Takes Strength to Resist Temptation
You have to be strong to resist temptation.
How do we know? Take a look at these Saints’ quotes about chastity.
St Basil the Great
St Basil the great describes a Christian engaged in a fight for purity as a “wrestler”.
“As the Pilot of a Vessel is tried in the storm, as the wrestler is tried in the ring, the soldier in battle and the hero in adversity, so is the Christian tried in temptation.” St Basil the Great.
St Jose Maria Escriva
St Jose Maria Escriva goes as far as implying that giving in to temptation is not manly.
“Be a Man. When you decide firmly to live a pure life, chastity will not be a burden to you; it will be a crown of triumph”. St Jose Maria Escriva.
St Pope John Paul II
St John Paul II addresses not only male virginity and chastity, but a man’s role in a woman’s chastity.
“God has assigned as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman”. EWTN.
I’m including these quotes here only to show that resisting temptation is in fact manly. It is a badge of honor to remain a virgin in this world where virginity is scoffed at.
So instead of feeling insecure and shy when approaching women, you should feel confident and strong, through the grace of God. If you’re able to overcome temptation, then any women in court will be able to rely on you to not do anything that would lead her into temptation.
What if You Already Lost Your Virginity?
“Lust indulged became habit, and habit unresisted became necessity.” St Augustine.
God forgives us and if you meet the right woman, she will love you despite your past.
If you previously led an impure life, it might even take more strength to resist temptation. We are creatures of habit. Sometimes it is even harder to remain pure when you have already previously indulged.
Do what you need to do to avoid falling into impurity.
If you fall, get up and try again.
Your male virginity or avoidance of impurity is a testament to your manly strength.
Go forth with confidence.
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